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Plastic

Barbie with Boobies

I'd take a run at those Hills

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"On the Mark" Presents: JOSH.O

Breaking News (Kind of): Carmelo and his bitch Chauncey join NYK.

I don't get Basketball. What other sport do they trade expiring contracts, 18 players at a time and household names almost every season ? Sure - Basketball is an entertaining sport don't get me wrong, but the rules are a little blurry to me. Carmelo Anthony has given the sports world blue balls for months after formally requesting a trade from as far back as December. (Spike Lee took care of that though).

Why I won't go any further....Kevin Garnett, (The biggest attraction in Minnesota since the mall) was traded thanks to the NBA's salary matching rules- and the Celts were able to trade pieces of dog meat like (Ryan Gomes, Gerald Green, Theo Ratliff, Sebastia Telfair and a 2009 Draft Pick). Sure the home-team traded Al Jefferson in the deal, but I'm sure he will be at a poker table with Antoine Walker within the next few years. If you haven't figured it out by now I'm a huge homer and a bandwagon basketball fan. Also, if the NBA takes away the insane amount of timeouts so the last 1:30 of a game isn't actually the time it takes me to take a shit and a shower, then I might become more involved.

Good luck to the Knicks and the their city.... Be prepared for Amare' and Melo to give Broadway more random boners than ever. As if  Letterman, Jeter and a bowl of pasta didn't do the trick before.

Go Celtics.

JOSH.O

TUESDAYS TOP TUNES

Tuesdays Top Tunes

Far East Movement - Rocketeer: This is song is definitely a feel good jam. Take that to the bank. Whether it's a Friday or Saturday night at the club or a Tuesday morning at the gym - this one hits the spot every time. Rock out to Rocketeer bro.

Endway - Coolin' Out: Great vocals and guitar/bass riffs in this puppy. A tune that will put you in a good mood regardless of the situation. I will be gripping it and ripping it to Endway's "Cooling Out" - this Saturday the 26th at the Middle East. Click here for more information.

B.O.B - Don't Let Me Fall: Huge fan of the entire B.o.B album, but this song really stands out for me. What goes up - must come down - but this doesn't apply for Bobby Ray. Get this thing on your iPod and make it rain.



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Wham-Bam-Thank You Mam

Sweet pair of beach-balls

Got Milk ?

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THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID

I will be the first to say, I suck at Jeopardy. But I would never tell my man Alex "WHAT IS ... PUSSY-FURRY ?" I mean what is this nerdy bitch thinking ? Furry pussy huh, wow that was mind-blowing.

I respect the entire studio audience for not falling to the floor laughing here, pure comedy.

Let's see how long it takes for Barstool Sports to copy this post. Boom Roasted.

(Special Thanks to AMC for the info)

Home Invasion in Billerica (Rica, Rica)

I guarantee the victim stole someone's Chicken Bites and in turn he paid the price when he returned home. This story is quite fucked. I mean c'mon, if you're going to bash in a door and shoot someone - move to Brooklyn bro. We here in Billerica, "hug it out" - we don't, "thug it out". Grow up you couple of Ninja Turtles.

All we can hope is that the police catch the suspects and the dude that got shot was still able to eat his chicken bites at the hospital.

Forget shooting people - if you wanted street cred, you should have just beat me to the punch and made a music video about the town.

SOMEBODY HELP THIS POOR GIRL

I cannot get over how funny and disturbing this picture is.

I don't think Brit here could have found any uglier guys on the planet, nevermind in the same bar. These dudes had to of met at a speed-dating event, none of them got dates, so they decided to hang out and flick boogers at each other.

Also, what the hell is Screech doing in center field back there. Kid is creeping me the fuck out.

Todays Shit-Show Status

Not sure where to go with this one.

You always get the old... "Someone hacked my account," sometimes you hear, "Sorry about that, my friend Joey is a dick, he wrote that." Long story short - this is not cool pal. Not one bit.

If you want to suck some penis - do it on your own time. The facebook world doesn't need to hear about it. What I might do is forward this blog post to your friends, family and the hottest girl at the high school. That will teach him. 

Hope you found what you were looking Andy. If not, I'm sure Hubis can help you out.

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These things are irresistable

Busts are a must

I'll saddle up with those Cowboys

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"On the Mark" Sunday Locks

Ride the wave BRO !! The OTM Locks have gained well over 2K in the last two days. This is why I hired a sports staff. All you haters out there - can suck me sideways. Wooo !!

Bonus- NBA: East All Stars at West All Stars (Even) (Suggested $300 to win $300)

Boomers Bonus Pick is unbeaten this year and is a lock each and every time out. The West is a must pick in this years All-Star game.

The offensive minded game suits the West very well and with Doc Rivers on the bench of the East - don't be surprised if the four Celtics play many minutes.

With Pierce and Amare banged up, look for the West to take care of business. Carmelo will be showcasing his talents for the Knicks and Nets and look for Kevin Love to have a monster game as well. (Boomers Bonus)

NBA: East All Stars vs West All Stars MVP Prop (Carmelo Anthony 10 to 1, $100-$1,000)

No one likes a good prop bet more than myself, however for an All-Star game scoring tends to get as tight as an Emo's pants attending a New Found Glory concert. John Wall was a given, guy is a player. You know it. I know it. When it comes to the adult table, its a tougher approach. Let me explain my logic here: I'm not going with Lebron(5/1) because he's a poon.
Feel free to go with D-Rose, guy is good, I just don't like the odds at 6/1. If I'm going to pay a quick hundo, I want it to be worth something.
I do not condone rape so F OFF Kobe(5/1).

Here it is folks. The money pick. It's a bit of a sleeper, but the beauty of a prop bet is that anything can happen. There's a lot of talks about getting Carmelo out of Denver, and I'm sure he wants a payday for the new contract as bad as I want a twinkie for lunch today. Good odds = a good payday, and lets face it, Chris Paul is awesome, but he'll be the feeder, and Carmelo will be the capitalizer. (Tuna's Tips)

NHL: Washington Capitals at Buffalo Sabres (O/U 5.5) (Suggested $300 to win $300)

You got to take the under hard on this one. Neither team has been scoring goals as of late and the Capitals have struggled since the Winter Classic.

Ovi and the Caps are 3-5-2 in their last ten tilts and Buffalo is one of the leagues worst teams. This one is a sure snipe. Under all day. (Hutch's Helpers)


NCAA Hoops: Clemson at Miami (-1) (Suggested $500 to win $500)

The U is hot as of late winning eleven of their last fourteen games. The house will be rocking today and the Canes look for a little payback as they lost to Clemson earlier in the season 79-72.

This game here will get Tuna's Tips back on the map. Lock it in. Miami wins big. Ship it, you old sailor you.

Sundays Top Five From Seaside

5.) "Some days I’m Uncle Situation, other days I’m Dr. Situation, I’m Chef Situation.. Bang Your Girl Situation… I’m like a pretty deep dude." (Mike "The Situation")

4.) "Team Meatballs ONE – Bromance ZERO." (Deena)

3.) "Yo, u wanna GTF?  Gym, Tan, Find-Whose-Underwear-Those-Are?" (Ronnie)

2.) "How you supposed to get fresh in the bathroom with some dirty-ass drawers that belong to someone in this house?" (Pauly D)

1.) His name isn’t Sitch anymore, it’s Snitchuation. (Vinny)

"On the Mark" Presents: Tony's Take

TONY'S TAKE

"The Shop"

Anybody else feel weird driving their car after it goes in the shop and the guy moves the seat around? You can never get it adjusted back to exactly the way you had it before, it will just never be the same again - no chance.

It feels like your car lost its v-card or some shit and the whole feel of the car feels foreign to you. It sucks, but you just have to suck it up and concede the fact that you couldn't hide your car from the world forever. She's not a slut - she just has needs. She was going to have somebody play with her undercarriage eventually and if you weren't gonna do it, somebody else has to.

Besides having to wake up ridiculously early on a Saturday morning after a night of boozing to hit the shop before it closes, it's definitely the worst part of getting service done to your car

Also, why the fuck do shops close at noon on Saturday? Everybody fucking works during the work week hours and they figure, "Ah fuck it, let's just take the weekend off and fuck with everybody who has a normal 9 to 5 job. I guess that's a story for another day.





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Round, Firm and Sturdy

Would you like a straw for those Coconuts

Wouldn't mind kicking around those soccer balls

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"On the Mark" Saturday Locks

COMING OFF A RED HOT NIGHT - JOIN THE ACTION BITCHES.



NHL: Atlanta Thrashers at Edmonton Oilers (Even) (Suggested $300 to win $300)

Edmonton has won two straight at home, so why stop now ?

The Oilers have a young, skilled team and maybe they are finally starting to put the pieces together. The Thrashers are in the midst of a rebuilding period and to be honest, they are probably going to fold as an organization. They suck donkey dick and Taylor Hall is going to slap them pink.

Roll Oilers. (Hutch's Helpers)

Bonus Game, NCAA Hoops: Boston College (+12) at UNC (Suggested $200 to win $200)

Boston College grabbed their ankles in the last meeting between the two, but they are a changed team now. The Eagles are 10-2 in their last twelve and the Tar Heels are their next victim.

Ok, maybe not. But they will cover twelve points. UNC likely will win the game, but it will be a tight game throughout.

I have a belly-button and I have a lock right here. (Boomer's Bonus)

On the Mark Presents: - JOSH.O -

JOSH.O

"TAKE IT DEEP WATSON"

Question: What costs well over a million dollars to develop and produce - that will one day enslave the human race and sleep with our wives and or girlfriends?
Answer: What is Watson? Correct.

Scary thought there. Another scary thought is why would the nerds at IBM develop a complex, multimillion dollar computer system so advanced to win only a couple grand on Jeopardy?  I’m not impressed. Give Charlie Sheen a night with Watson, after some whiskey and cocaine, the robot will be tits up with smoke coming from its ears. Once Sheen starts accessing some girl on girl teen porn on forbidden websites, Watson will be all backed up and loaded with viruses and won’t know what to do. Take a breather Watson, no one likes you bro.

Other attempts at Artificial Intelligence:

Simple Text: We all remember high school sitting in a computer class and typing funny shit into a program just to hear the computer say it back. Stuff like “balls”, “titties” and “your vag smells like low tide”.

Murphy from Robocop: Here’s the plot line... Two good cops get trapped in a baaad situation where the bad guys decide it’s cool to take shot guns to a human being from point blank range. Somehow not dead on the spot, Officer Murphy is rushed to the hospital and the only way to save him is to turn him into… half man, half robot cop = ROBO COP.... Yikes !

Short Circuit: “Johnny 5 is alive” This little guy was strug-a-ling like Namath all movie long. This is one movie from the 80’s you do not want to revisit. Teen Wolf though? Go for it.

Uncle Paulies Robot from Rocky 4: Just a creepy scene when Uncle Paulie is dancing with it and probably hooks up with it. Nothing like a little Robo-Blowie.

Conclusion: If you give anyone a bunch of answers to a test - you’re going to pass it. (See Ken Jennings amazing Jeopardy streak years ago).