If you haven't been paying attention to any of their picks.... I recommend you start bro.
After another NBA cover, Sean Turner wins yet again - bringing his Tuna Tips total to $1,600 in less than two months. Jon Hutcheon took last night off, but he has won the past three times he has taken action. Hutch's Helpers has the highest bankroll at $1,750 mostly due to the power of his parlays. Lastly, Paul "Boomer" Coutoumas has been nearly perfect with his Bonus Picks. Most of his bets have come from NCAA Hoops - but after covering on an NBA tilt last night, Boomers Bonus total is at $ 1,500. In seven bets this season Boomer has won five, lost one and pushed another. He guaranteed a 70 % success rate when signing on - and he has exceeded that with a 85 % rate.
I am going to have to agree with my man Ryan here.
The only excuse for wearing men's skinny jeans is if you are really good at skateboarding or you play in a band. All other reasons are for good enough to me and you should put a pair of wide length Wranglers on.
The last person who should be wearing skinny jeans is a fat dude. I also want to add that I hate when chicks with zero asses wear skinny jeans. It makes my willy crawl back inside its cave.
Let's call a spade a spade and agree that baseball is and always will be Americas Favorite Pastime.
Although most would rather watch Cops re-runs than a nine inning game on television - it still remains the most popular sport in America. With that said - Here is the OTM 2011 Preview.
American League Top 5
1. Boston Red Sox : 102 - 60 (AL East Champions)
2. Chicago White Sox: 96-66 (AL Central Champions)
3. New York Yankees: 91-71 (AL Wildcard Champions)
4. Texas Rangers: 88-74 (AL West Champions)
5. Tampa Bay Rays: 85-77
On paper the Red Sox have possibly their best lineup in team history. When compared to the 2004 roster that set a record for runs and homers in a season - it literally blows them away. If Kevin Youkilis and Jacoby Ellsbury can stay healthy - David Ortiz maintains his 25 HR - 90 RBI numbers - and John Lackey and Josh Beckett combine for 27 wins - this team may exceed the 102 win prediction.
The Chicago White Sox are my sleeper team for 2011. Their lineup is extremely deep and will mash the ball in their hitter friendly ballpark. Alex Rios, Carlos Quentin, Paul Konerko and the addition of Adam Dunn will provide more than enough power for the Sox in white. Along with a strong rotation and speed on the basepaths, watch out for this team to be a threat in the playoffs.
The Yankees and Rangers who were both in last years AL Championship Series will both make the 2011 playoffs, but due to other teams improving and losing some key players they won't top the list. The Yankees rotation is quite thin with the loss of Andy Pettitte and they will have to rely on their explosive offense to make noise this season. Although the back of their bullpen is stacked - they will still need the starters to put in quality starts in order to be successful. As for the Rangers, the loss of Cliff Lee was crucial to their starting rotation. Again, they will have to be strong and consistent offensively to have another Cindarella season.
Tampa Bay rounds out the Top five despite losing all-stars Matt Garza, Carlos Pena, Jason Bartlett and Carl Crawford. The Rays also lost a chunk of thier bullpen as Dan Wheeler, Grant Balfour, JP Howell and Rafael Soriano all parted ways in the off-season. New additions Manny Ramirez and Johnny Damon look to lead a young team back to the playoffs for the 3rd consecutive season. The Rays still have a solid rotation and are excited for the debut of "Hellboy" Jeremy Hellickson who boasts a high 90' fastball.
National League Top 5
1. Philadelphia Phillies : 97 - 65 (NL East Champions)
2. Milwaukee Brewers: 95-67 (NL Central Champions)
3. Atlanta Braves: 91-71 (NL Wildcard Champions)
4. LA Dodgers: 89-73 (NL West Champions)
5. St. Louis Cardinals: 88-74
While the Red Sox boast the best hitting squad on paper, there is no question that the Phillies have the best pitching rotation. The caliber of pitching is pretty insane and should easily carry them to an NL East Title. Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee, Cole Hamels, Roy Oswalt and Joe Blanton round out the crew. Blanton, the fifth starter, could likely be any other teams 2nd or 3rd starter, showing how much depth the rotation provides. Not to take any attention away from the offense which is led by veterans Ryan Howard, Jimmy Rollins and Shane Victorino. The only question will be the health of Chase Utley. Utley is the midst of a nagging knee injury and will likely be out until the All-Star Break if not longer. Despite the injury, the Phillies will have no problem locking up thier division.
The Brewers and Braves are both my sleeper picks in the National League. Brewers winning the NL Central and Braves stealing the Wild Card. The Brewers had a few hiccups last season, but the young team will come back strong in 2011. Prince Fielder and Ryan Braun are both all-world players and the emergence of Casey McGeehee, Rickie Weeks, Carlos Gomez and Corey Hart makes this a team to be reckoned with. Meanwhile the Braves will have tough league competition with the Phillies and Mets, but will come out as Wildcard Champs. The acqusition of Dan Uggla will prove to be a smart one as he is projected to hit 30 homers and knock in over a hundred runs. Forget the sophomore slump with Jason Heyward and expect him to have a monster year for the Braves. With young-studs like Heyward and Hanson and the leadership of Chipper Jones, Brian McCann and Derek Lowe the Braves will have a good balance to lift them to the second season.
Rounding up the National League is the eventual NL West Champions the Dodgers and the team outside the bubble, the Cardinals of St. Louis. Without the Manny being Manny destraction I feel the Dodgers will be a top contender this season. With offensive threats like Matt Kemp, Andre Either and James Loney to assist a solid rotation of Kershaw, Billingsly, Lilly, Kuroda and Garland the Dodgers appear to have more punch than the defending World Series Champion S.F. Giants. The St. Louis Cardinals have the best player in baseball in Albert Pujols. They also have a tremendous talent in Matt Holiday. But after those two players the roster quickly waters down. The only true stud in the rotation is Chris Carpenter and after him is an extreme drop off. The Cardinals will make some noise, but will eventually fall short of the playoffs.
2011 PLAYOFF PREDICTIONS
I know a lot of you may think I am crazy, but this is how I see it. It's easy to be like Obama and just take the #1 seeds through the tournament, not this guy.
Although the best team on paper is the Red Sox, it doesn't mean that team always comes out the victor. I feel the power and poise of the Chicago White Sox will be enough to come out American League Champions. The Phillies are coming off back-to-back NL East series matchups, so I expect them to take what is rightfully theres as NL Champs.
World Series Champions
White Sox defeat the Phillies in six games to become World Champions.
Obama celebrates on the field with his fellow teammates.
So picture this- You're having a rough day....Lost your job ? Dog Died ? Perhaps you shit yourself at work ? So you head to your local Chinese establishment to get your mind off it and have a great meal.... That is until you open up your gookie.
The fortune reminds you of the day you left behind. While you were eating you forgot- you got fired and Fluffy died and your underwear is still caked with crap.
This was supposed to be your get-away, but instead it turned into a disaster. Real nice Wang Chung.
After seeing the Fighter last week I could only think to myself, "Wow, there is no way that Dicky Ecklund knocked out Sugar Ray here". He clearly loses his balance as he is piss pounding Ecklunds' face in.
The proof is in the pudding here pal. Slow-Motion evidence shows that Sugar-Tits gets tied up and loses his footing ... Time to go back to the drawing board Dicky.
We should just call Ecklund, "Ronnie" from the Jersey Shore.
Now that's a serious slip bro. It looks like Mortal Combat on a slip and slide. You can never trust that Jersey Boardwalk. Ronnie was probably crying like a bitch, soaked up the area with his tears, then played slugfest with my mans head after sliding 30 feet backwards.
Both Dicky and Ronnie are now heroes and poor Sugar Ray & Fat Baldy never even had a chance.
Tuna's Tips - NBA: Dallas (-5.5) at LA Clippers (Suggested $500)
Dallas has the best road record this season (26-10) and is fighting for a particularly good spot come playoffs. The Clippers are fighting for their win total to beat last years (29). Big Handsome, Dirk Nowitzki is quietly putting together an MVP campaign from the West and will continue that stretch tonight as this game is a given. Everyone and their sister knows that no team plays for "pride". They play for shits and giggles and the millions and millions of dollars they're getting paid to lose. Both teams are well rested, while the Clips are resting on an eight game skid. Dallas has beaten them by 16 (on the road) and by 7 at home this year. Dirk gets another vote, and Notorious T.U.N.E gets laid for making Marky Mark some money. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, BRO! (Dallas 5.5)
Boomers Bonus - NBA: Miami Heat (-12) at Washington Wizards (Suggested $300)
Although the Heat are coming off an embarrasing loss to the Cavs - look for them to bounce back and take a wizz on the Wiz. LeBron, Wade and Bosh have started to click over the past few weeks and against the leagues worst team I don't expect anything less. The last time D-Wade faced off against Washington he went for 41 pts.
Hit the Heat hard. You'll be glad you did. (Heat -12)
Ever since the song "Last Night" came out back in the early 2000's, I have always been a fan of the Strokes. It took a good friend of mine (Steama) to get me accustomed to their style, but I am glad he did - I am also glad he broke my friends guitar when he knee-dropped it while listening to the Strokes. This is an old school, funky track on their new album - Doesn't blow me out of the water, but it gets the job done bro.
Bruno Mars - The Lazy Song
This is far from Bruno's best work, but it is definitely a track that will get stuck in your head for days at a time. It relates to me personally because I am the laziest mo-fo' East of the Mississippi. It's ironic I usually blast this song while I eat nachos and play video games on my couch.
Written in the Stars - Tinie Tempah
This is just your typical pop chorus and hip hop verses that I absolutely eat up. If you haven't noticed I am clearly a fan of the two genres so when the two are combined it's like a makeout sesh and I'm the mayor. This to me is like B.o.B's minor league team, but it still makes the list this week.
FITCHBURG — For years after the subway accident that left James Maki terribly disfigured — missing his nose, upper lip, and cheeks — he mostly stayed insideand watched television. He lived just four blocks from downtown but never went there. He preferred isolation to children’s screams and strangers’ horrified stares.
This past Wednesday, two years since Maki underwent the first partial face transplant performed at Brigham and Women’s Hospital, he strolled into the City Hall Cafe on Main Street in Fitchburg.
“Hi!’’ exclaimed waitress Mona Roberts, who hadn’t seen him in a while. “You look wonderful.’’
Roberts hugged Maki warmly before he chose a table nestled in the front window, where he was clearly visible to passersby.
“I had put a brake on going out, because I didn’t like to listen to all the things people were saying,’’ Maki saidafter Roberts brought him hot chocolate with whipped cream. (Boston.com)
First off - who drinks hot chocolate and whippy after not showing your "face" for a few years ?
Not me. I would grab the stiffest drink in America and pound it - then hug the waitress.
I am a nice person and I have a huge heart. I feel for this guy for realsies. But I am going to ask the same question everyone will likely ask, "Why didn't this guy grab a sexy face?"
I honestly don't want to sound like a pecker head, but he grabbed a new face and the dudes face he grabbed was beat. The new face looks like Donald Trumps little brother on acid. Not a good look man - should've sniped Heath Ledgers or something.
He is probably still the best looking dude in Fitchburg. Place is the pits.
I know their is a lot of hype surrounding the Sox - but let's be honest.... The lineup is fucking insane.
Not to mention they have a rotation that struggled last year and is close to being the best in the game (besides the Phills). This is the best Red Sox team of all-time. I am not a homer, far from it, but I am positive that my prediction of 102 wins is "On the Mark".
Also, I will be attending my first ever opening day at Fenway. It's on Friday the 8th which means I will be skipping work that day and the next. Hooray for me. I have an extra ticket too and I am looking to bring a random mother fucker to party with me. Let the games begin.
Here it goes. I am going to be the first to say that the Boston Bruins need a BLACKOUT in the 1st round of the playoffs.
98.5 The Sports Hub - The static station across the hall and even you Tony Maranaro - get your black shit out of the closet guys.
Come on - you've all seen this before. White towels in Colorado - White Out... Usually yellow towels at the Garden - Piss hands.... This year I claim all black - all out - Blackout.
I had a weird dream last night - well actually two. One I was back in High School disecting a worm, but that's not here nor there... the other was the Bruins playing in the Stanley Cup. I would trade in two Super Bowl titles, the Red Sox 2007 ring and the Celtics crown to see the town of Boston hoist Lord Stanley. Although hockey is still not on the map, it still has the towns most loyal fans and "we" all deserve this trophy and I strongly believe this year is it.
Savard has memory loss... I bet when the Bruins are in the Eastern Conference Finals he will quickly remember how to play again and try to jump back in the lineup.... Dude is a fraud, I hope he retires, sorry if I offended anyone with that. My man is softer than a piece of toilet paper.
Moral of the story - Point of the matter ... When the Bruins hit the playoffs everyone wear fucking black. Garden employees give out black towels. It would be the dirtiest place to play man. We are already loud, drunk and downright nasty - imagine the place blacked out. Beauty.
PS - Every rose has it's Thornton. Every Cowboy has its sad sad Seguin.
(I cried, laughed and peed a little after watching this video)
An incident will take place on the ice and a long awaited rebuttal will be talked about by Bruins fans and media for days, weeks and even months.
We have all seen it when Randy Jones hit Patrice Bergeron from behind leaving him with a severe concussion. Jones payback ? Jack-Shit.... Not more than a year later we saw Matt Cooke decapitate Marc Savard leaving his head on the ice and his career in jeopardy. Cooke's payback ? Jack-Shit.
I think Round III will be a bit different folks.
Round 1 was the epic battle between Boston and Montreal at the TD Garden just two months ago. The game included eight fights and 200 penalty minutes. Bruins won the contest both physically and mentally, but just three weeks later they were grounded by the Habs. Round 2 in Montreal was a lot different. The bell rang and the Bruins were not able to answer the call. Late in the second period was when the drama began. Zdeno Chara fished for a puck and rode Canadien sniper Max Pacioretty into the stansion of the boards known as the "turnbuckle". Chara was ejected from the game, but didn't receive a suspension from the league. During this time Montreal fans and the media made ridiculous accusations and went as far as calling the police on Chara. Would they really arrest him ? Maybe actually... for being awesome.
Round 3 is tomorrow night at the Garden. We all expect revenge to take place and usually we are dissapointed. Well... this time it's all business. No one puts the Bruins in a corner and no one calls the cops on our captain, even if he is a goofy prick. The Canadiens have ran their mouths about this whole situation and the rivalry level is at a TEN. Tomorrow night is going to be an old school donnybrook mark my words.
Round I - Bruins .... Round II - Canadiens ... Round III - "On the Mark" because I will be ripping beers, chicken fingers and clam chowder courtesy of "on the house"... Get your popcorn ready people - shits gonna get sticky at the Garden tomorrow.
I had to take a picture of this old fart at Foxwoods this past weekend.
I legit sat there and watched my two buddies lose a good five or six hundred dollars on this one table before "Old Man McLean" sat down and just dominated the table.
Meanwhile my boys are still losing chips - McLean here is just raking in $25 dollar chips like they were skittles falling from a pinata. I couldn't sit and watch anymore and although I could barely see straight I slurred to him "Hey bro, you're loaded, I am gonna sit next to you and try this."
After about nine or ten hands I was up $175 and decided to walk away. I told Old Man McLean I wanted to have sex with him and he didn't approve. Instead I shared a cigarette with him and continued to talk about god knows what. As he walked back to his lucky seat - I asked him to snap a picture with me - he again didn't approve , so I just snapped one of his wrinkly ass and went on my way.
Old Man McLean will forever be my friend. I hope he didn't die in his sleep that night.
I had the guilty pleasure of liking this song, but now that Kanye West is in the mix - I am going to give it the A-OK and post the bad larry. Song reminds me of Tatu - All the Things She Said - you remember the one with the chicks making out... Ok nevermind. Good song, throw it on the iPod or throw it in the trash - I could care less either way.
Lonely Island - I Just Had Sex
I agree - It's no "I'm on a Boat", but this is also another catchy jam by the boys from Lonely Island. Perfect tune to play on a first date or a nice candle light dinner with the wifey.
Wiz Khalifa - No Sleep
Sounds like my weekend in Foxwoods. No sleep here my man. Anyway, this is a nice feel good tune to get the blood boiling. Pop in a bagel, grab some OJ and rip "Wiz" in the morning and your bound to have a good day - unless of course you're out of sour cream and chive cream cheese.
5. You're the worst argument person ever .... All you say is "You're a crock of sh*t. (The Situation)
4. My boy's becoming a man... Vin looks like a big pimp .... He's even walking with a gangsta limp. (Pauly D)
3. It just so happens that Deena defies the laws of intelligence. I never thought someone would make Snooki look like a rocket scientist. (The Situation)
2. What's that song in Mario Brothers.. Denim, Denim, Denim. (Pauly D, Vinny)
1. This woman is not a grenade. This woman is an atomic bomb about to blow up. (Pauly D)
In the midst of an absolute three day binge this past weekend - I found myself doing some "drunk tweeting". My boy Mike Vick appears to have gotten the worst of it as I told him to kill puppies. I am sure he still has the Animal Cruelty crybabies still on his back, so maybe he will let this one slide. I will be the first to say I love the show Tosh.O - but I always ride the dude like an elephant at the Topsfield Fair. I am just mad my Billerica video has no shot of being a web redemption. Scott Zolak is a cool dude, but a little joke about his lazy eye is always a good decision. The Hoff has the world by the balls, so I figure why not ground his Hollywood ass and remind him he is still a deadbeat dad. I hate the Jets, I hate Mark Sanchez and I want to make him look like a pedafile on Twitter. Done and Done.
It really didn't take much - but it was absolute amateur hour last night on St Paddy's day. Not gonna lie I had too many margaritas and coronas. Everyone hated me for wearing blue and drinking mexican shit - but I didn't give two fucks. Were my predictions on the mark ?
Today we are all Irish - thus we all have an excuse to guzzle booze and feel like absolute dog shit in the morning. Things you are guaranteed to see every March 17th - stupid hats, big sunglasses, suspenders, two fights, temporary shamrock tattoo on ugly girls face, Larry Bird jersey, some tool puking his brains out, 1.5 million "Top O the Morning" Facebook statuses, more stupid hats - you get the point. (March 17th 9:41 AM)
St. Patricks Day and the opening round of March Madness on the same day is like having a steel cage match between the Bruins and Canadiens. It's going to be absolutely bonkers in every city, state and college campus. This is why we live ladies and gentlemen.
Today we are all Irish - thus we all have an excuse to guzzle booze and feel like absolute dog shit in the morning. Things you are guaranteed to see every March 17th - stupid hats, big sunglasses, suspenders, two fights, temporary shamrock tattoo on ugly girls face, Larry Bird jersey, some tool puking his brains out, 1.5 million "Top O the Morning" Facebook statuses, more stupid hats - you get the point.
Green beer, car bombs and amateur hour drinking. Let the games begin bro.
(CBS Sports)Braves' general manager Frank Wren has confirmed to multiple Internet sources (the majority via Twitter thus far) that minor-league coach Luis Salazar has lost his left eye. On March 9, Salazar was struck in the eye by a line-drive foul ball off the bat of catcher Brian McCann in the first inning of an exhibition game against the Cardinals. He was standing in the dugout watching the at-bat.
I'm sure there was no pun intended here, but this is pretty fucked up. My boy Luis here gets a frozen rope in the eye ball and less than a week later he's being featured in the CBS Sports, "Eye on Baseball" segment. I mean guy is already missing an eye - why kick him when he is down ? Might as well kill his dog or put bleach in his coffee when he's not looking (shouldn't be a problem anymore).
Although this is no laughing matter, this dude could gain some real street cred with the one eye look. He could wear the eye patch like the chick from TLC - that would be pretty legit. He could even demand a job in Pittsburgh and just go with the pirate coach routine - that would be the coolest thing in baseball probably.
Signing off - just need to cross the t's and dot the.... lowercase j's.
KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- Chad Ochocinco will try to play a different kind of football during the NFL lockout. Never short on publicity-grabbing ideas, the Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver is set for a four-day tryout with Sporting Kansas City of Major League Soccer starting Tuesday.The club said Wednesday that after the tryout, it would determine whether to extend the trial period. (ESPN)
This one certainly drops him from the "man crush" depth charts. How could you be so bad ass to: Play in the NFL, change your last name to 85, get two of your own TV shows then go off and do something so gay ?
Chad, I understand your childhood dream was to play soccer - but you have an image to portray. No one wants to see their favorite football player kicking around a soccer ball playing grab ass with David Beckham. Seriously dude my childhood dream was to be a painter, but you won't see me throwing on a pair of overalls anytime soon.
The only thing cool that may come out of it is over-the-top Ochocinco celebrations that he won't get fined for. Both, soccer fans and his bank account will enjoy that shit I assume.
I just figure if the NFL lockout were to happen - you might as well sit back and enjoy the time off. Be a man bro. Go bang some hot models like Tom Brady. Go to the club and pistol whip someone like Plaxico. At least rape a chick in the bathroom like Ben.
Despite all this I will continue to follow you on Twitter and may god have mercy on your soul.
He is basically telling you what not to do for your St. Patricks Day party.
If someone threw "Shamrocks of Fun" at me, I would probably throw him fists of fury. Not to mention, if you throw a party you want people to get ticked at each other and make a mess - that way you know it was a fucking awesome party. The only way I am checking peoples pulses is if they are blacked out on the floor. Also never do those butterfly wings again - that was painful to watch bro.
Tomorrow marks the only day of the year that the small, dirty, urine filled pubs actually make some money. Everyone have fun and may the Luck of the Irish be with you. (When you're driving home drunk).
Above is a clip from the Comedy Central Donald Trump roast.
I'm not gonna lie, When the Situation came to the stage I was nervous for him. He starts off spitting hot fire to be honest, but then something happens and he just loses his shit.
This goes to show how Hollywood really feels about the cast of the Jersey Shore. If that was Will Ferrell up there saying those things, people would be sucking his dick giggling.
Despite totally shitting the bed up there - I thought the Situation actually handled himself pretty well. I will tell you one thing though, he is definitely not smoking a blunt with Snoop Dogg anytime soon.
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